for the men in my life

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The mess continues

The older I get the more I am learning that I really just don’t like messes.  I like things to be neat and tidy or at least have a sense of order.  I AM NOT  a neat freak.   Just ask anyone who has seen my house or my vehicles.  I can handle a mess if I know it will be cleaned up.  I am learning that some messes can serve a purpose.

I have returned to an oldie, but goodie daily devotional. My Utmost for His Highest, by Oswald Chambers.  His post from January 31, based on the scripture of Romans 1:1, in part says this, ” Christian workers fail because they place their desire for their own holiness above their desire to know God. “Don’t ask me to be confronted with the strong reality of redemption on behalf of the filth of human life surrounding me today; what I want is anything God can do for me to make me more desirable in my own eyes.”’  Talk about a spiritual reality check.  I have been mulling this one over and over and over again.  I encourage you to visit this site and read the entire thing.

So I’ve been thinking and praying and talking with God.  If you have read my blog maybe you will remember my first post about Messes.  Well I am reminded that Jesus willfully came into our mess.  Yes he came to make us clean, but He came for more than that.  He continually sought out the messiest of the messes.  He went to Zacchaeus, the tax collector, the woman at the well, the adulterer, the leper, and thousands more.  Jesus kept getting messy.  Jesus chose to serve His father and bring Him glory by redeeming the “filth” of the world in which He lived.

You see I am challenged in many ways.  The first because what our human eyes and mind define as filth, worthless, disgraceful, Jesus did not.  He and the Father deemed them worthy of their Love, Grace, and Redemption.  Who am I to question any person’s worth?

Second, God’s agenda is not to make me like myself more.  As a people pleaser I am unsettled in this truth.  I want people to like me, I want God to like me, and I want to like myself.  But Chambers is emphasizing that God wants me to seek the reality of His redemption (I’m still working on what that really means) not on becoming the better person I think I need to be.  Can you say, “Hit by the Holy 2×4 batman.”

You mean God’s first priority isn’t to make people like me?  No. NO. N.O.

God wants me to submit my agenda to His agenda.  Jesus is my example.  Jesus lived and breathed in the will of His Heavenly Father.  He did not care what people thought, or said, and held against Him.  He obeyed His father and did His fathers work.  As must I learn to obey my Heavenly Father no matter what other people say, do, or think.  My focus, my concern, and my priority must be a reflection of My Father’s.  He tells me to seek Him and His kingdom.  In doing so,  He will mold me into the woman He has designed for me to be.

And the peace comes in by realizing that I don’t have to be perfect.  I don’t have to measure up.  I don’t have to have it all together or even figured out.  God loves ALL the mess that is me and He will use ALL of it for His glory.

Friend God loves ALL the mess that is you…and He is sovereign.  He will redeem you and use it ALL for His glory!

The messier the better my friend!!!  Lets get messy.  Not sinful…just let your hair down, take off the mask, let go of the chains…Let God redeem ALL that is you.


What a MESS!


mess (Photo credit: Fernando Stankuns)

For those of you who know me well…you know that I don’t like messes.  Yet with 3 boys under 6 I have a perpetual mess in my Kitchen, my laundry room, my living room, my bedroom, their bedroom, their toy room, my van, my yard, my garage…well you get the idea.  And most of all I REALLY do not like extra or unnecessary messes.  And yet I want my boys to learn how to do dishes, pour their drinks, get dressed, do the laundry, make their own food…and so on.  And so the conundrum ensues.  They can not learn unless I am willing to let them make a mess.

Well, I get frustrated at times and I loose my temper.  Sometimes, many times I even yell.  I have really been praying about this short fuse problem of mine.   God has been whispering this truth in my heart and my mind.  “I entered your mess, because I love you.”  ” I walk with you in the midst of your mess because I want to help you clean it up.”

Jesus left heaven…sweet, peaceful, perfect Heaven.  He left such a great place and came to the messiest place in the galaxy.  He put on the clothes of our mess…He became flesh because He loves us.  He wants to give us freedom from the mess we are in.  He wants to show us, teach us, and love us through this mess.  He wants to transform our mess to heaven on earth.

Jesus wants our emotions, our expectations, our failures, our anger, our striving, our fear…He wants all of the things that keep us from creating a life that exemplifies “…on earth as it is in heaven.”

Let me be really honest with ya’ll.  I am still sorting all this out.  I am still learning what this looks like for me in my life.

I pray Abba that you will help me accept your love.  Open my eyes to Your wisdom for my life.  Jesus help me to reflect you as best I can, by allowing you to invade all of  me.  Lord give me your wisdom to make decisions and have responses that will bring Heaven to earth.

Jesus loves the beautiful mess that is each one of us.

John 16:33 “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble ( messes). But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

Jesus is our hope and salvation from the messes in our lives!!! Praise. The. LORD.


I’ve been reading the first 5 app bible study! I’m really living it.

We just finished Sarah and Abraham.  2 things have jumped out at me and coordinated perfectly with my personal life.

The first thing was that God told Abraham to listen to Sarah about getting rid of Hagar and Ishmael. It didn’t make sense to Abraham. He loved Ishmael too. He wanted to be kind to his servents. He was distressed.

Genesis 21:11-13

The matter distressed Abraham greatly because it concerned his son. 12 But God said to him, “Do not be so distressed about the boy and your slave woman. Listen to whatever Sarah tells you, because it is through Isaac that your offspring b will be reckoned.  13 I will make the son of the slave into a nation s also, because he is your offspring.

Often times my wonderful husband and I get into a fight because of my emotions and insecurities. I think this is a great reminder and example for husbands and wives. Abraham did not know what to do. He didn’t feel comfortable with his wife’s request, he was DISTRESSED. So he went to God. He asked God what to do. He was humble enough to listen and obey God. It wasn’t about trying to fix Sarah’s emotions or insecurities. It was about trusting God and loving his wife. What a great example of the Ephesians scripture. God calls his men to love his wife as Christ loved the church. To give himself up for her to make her holy and blameless. Try as I might there are feelings I may never be able to help my sweet man understand. But when he seeks Jesus and loves me anyways, there is nothing better for my heart and my soul. Often times his willingness to love me in the emotional and insecure mess that I may be in, pulls me right back out to be the woman God has called me to be.

Now ladies this doesn’t mean that we can just let our emotions and insecurities run wild. We must submit, seek, and trust God too. The great thing is that God knows our emotions. He gave them to us. In His power they can be changed or used in a productive way. We can have all of our emotions, we just can not sin in them. We must surrender them. And when our husbands don’t understand, take heart because Jesus does. Pray that your husband will seek Jesus, trust Him, and wait on Him.

Watch “If We’re Honest (Lyric Video) – Francesca Battistelli” on YouTube

Since my honesty post the other day, this song has been in my head.

I think the best honesty is when we are honest with ourselves. God has me reading in the book of Romans. The message version. I found this little gem:

God pays no attention to what others say (or what you think) about you. He makes up his own mind.
Romans 2:9-11 MSG

So here is some honesty. I used to call myself a people pleaser. It was an excuse I used to justify my disobedience to God.  I’m not using that excuse anymore. I’m not labeling myself that way anymore. I’m going to please God. I’m not going to be afraid if my obedience to God may hurt or offend others. From the words of my sister-in-law Debra Greer, “God will walk them through their hurt. ” So I will trust God and please Him!

In the clouds

I just had the privilege of hearing a wonderful brother in Christ, Dan Bohi, share what God has put on his heart!!!  It was an encouraging message! The main point…GOD WANTS TO BE WITH US.  God LIKES US!  It is humbling. The God of the universe. The God who created the heavens and the earth.  He desires US.  Wow.  Its just amazing.  I am thankful that my Jesus loves me that much.

In Dan’s message he read scripture after scripture about God coming in a thick cloud to be with His people. I’m going to post some references about God coming in the form of a cloud, feel free to look them up. Exodus 19:9, Exodus 33:9, Exodus 40:34, 1 kings 8:10&11, these are just a few.

My clouds.

So I want to share the very beginning of my conscious part of pursuing this Jesus.  You see I firmly believe that God has loved me and has known me before time began.  It was I that was not fully aware of who He is and what He had been doing in my life.  The first memory I have of my unveiling was when I was 12. It was the Spring of 1994.  I lived with my mom and step dad in Glenwood, Il on Campbell st.

Outside it was a beautiful spring day.  The sky was a lovely baby blue with big, soft, fluffy white clouds. There was a gentle breeze.  It was one of those perfect days, outside.  Inside my house however was an entirely different environment.  It was tense, volatile, and crazy.  My parents were in a very heated argument, about what I don’t remember. This was a fairly normal occurrence in my life.  The difference, that day for me, was the moment I looked out the window into the calm and peacefully serene world outside. You see it occurred to me in that moment that there had to be something bigger than mankind out there.  There had to be another source of power and control.  And so, the slow pursuit of discovering the source of this peace for me started on that day.

I wasn’t really sure, I didn’t really know. I mean I grew up watching care bears (care bear stare anyone?) and they lived peacefully on clouds.  I remember always wanting to escape to the big white clouds.  The fluffy gentle ones you could just lay in forever and not care about anything else.  I came to know the Lord as my personal savior 3 years later in December 1997.  I have loved learning about Him, His love for me, His faithfulness to me, and His protection and provision of me.

I love how God brings clarity to my life.  He made it clear to me today, listening to my brother Dan recall how God descended in the clouds to His people, every time I wanted to escape to the cloud, it was my heart yearning for my God who loves me. My connection wasn’t to care bears, it was to my sweet Jesus who has loved me before time began.  That day I wasn’t just looking at a peaceful cloud. I was staring into the face of God. He was speaking His truth into my heart.  He was telling me that He created life to have peace, order, and joy.  He was telling me that as long as I continued to focus on mankind, I would not have the peace and joy He created me for.  I needed to look higher than mankind.  I needed to look to the Heavens and find my Abba.  I needed to run and escape to Him.  I needed to find my shelter in Him.

Even now as I sit here typing these words, He is reminding me of His truth.  Life can bring much pain, disappointment and hurt.  I can choose to focus on the hurt, the mess, the ugliness life can offer. Or, I can choose to look to the Heavens and see what God wants to show me today!

Oh how my heart swells with joy, love, and hope.  I just love, love, love, how God is always showing me He loves me.  I want to choose Him today and every day!

But guess what???  He loves you too.  He has loved you before time began.  He desires to be with you too! If you don’t know Him in this way, I encourage you to find someone who does and have an honest conversation about your doubts and fears of who God is.

Heavenly Father, Thank you for you love. Thank you for desiring to be with us.  Holy Spirit please help me to choose my heavenly Father. Help me to turn my heart, my mind, and my thoughts to my Jesus who loves me.  Please help your people turn their hearts and their minds to you. In Jesus name we pray, Amen.

A Spider’s web

Have you ever been stuck in a spider’s web?  Have you ever felt the stickiness, the entanglement…and the more you try to get out the more stuck you feel.  You want to panic because you begin to feel overwhelmed, trapt, stuck, and hopeless.

Spider web

Spider web (Photo credit: Marcelo Tourne)

Sin can be like a spider’s web.  It can catch you completely off guard.  You can get stuck in way over your head before you even know what is going on.  I can describe this so well because I have been there.  With more than one type of sin.

The sin I want to talk about today comes from manipulation.  Specifically emotional manipulation.  Let me be very clear, it is not good.  Using emotional manipulation does not bring Glory to God.

I know that I am no saint.  I am not going to sit here and write that I have never tried to manipulate someone or some facts.  I will say that I have learned it does not benefit me or the person I was manipulating.  God has helped me and is continuing to help me use honest forms of communication for His glory.

I am still stuck in a spider’s web though.  Its not one I have created, but it is one I have allowed to be created around me.  Lately it seems around every corner God is putting people in my life that have been emotionally manipulating me or verbally jabbing me.  I feel caught in their negative, disgusting, and sinful attitudes.  I have yet to learn how to verbally cut their strings before they attach to me.  I walk away from conversations feeling yucky and emotionally entangled.  I literally want to rip something off of me.   I think about what I could have said and what I should have done to make them stop.

I know, I know…I wrote a post not so long ago about how bold I am and unafraid I am to speak my mind.  Well the truth is…when it comes to people I know, love, or work with, I want to please them, make them proud, or win their approval…I kind of don’t know how to tell them no, or that I disagree, or that I don’t really want to do what they are suggesting.  I am a people pleaser…its my kryptonite.

Back to emotional manipulation…So after talking with a Godly mentor and dear friend who have great boundaries and much more life experience I have learned some new phrases.  I need to learn to use these phrases with love and cut through the spider’s web.

“What did you mean by that?”

“I can’t answer that right now.”

“I am not prepared to have this conversation right now, can I call you tomorrow after I have prayed and thought about it.”

Any version of the above delivered with a smile and sweet tone should surely help me not get entangled, but also not offend the person seeking something from me.

I have been brewing this post for some months now.  This morning I knew it was going to be done steeping.  When I sat down to pray and read my verse for the day I knew God wanted to deal with this topic tonight.

The verse was this…”(from the message) Right now, therefore, every time we get the chance, let us work for the benefit of all, starting with the people closest to us in the community of faith.” Galatians 6:10.

There are differences

I’m sure most of you know people are different.  Sometimes those differences are good, weird, and down right WRONG.   But wait…if we are all created in His image how can a person be wrong?

The obvious answer is that we live in a fallen world and there are people who will make choices that do not align with God, but I want to focus on the fact that we are different in weird ways, but still in His image.

Sometimes people can be so different than myself that I just don’t like them.  I don’t want to be friends with them.  I want them to stay in their own parts of the world and leave mine alone.  Unfortunately for me and my comfort zone I serve a God who does not promote division and separation.  I serve a God who calls His people to become one with Him and therefore unite in His Kingdom as one people.  It doesn’t mean that we all have to become the same, but I do think it means that we set our differences aside. We must learn to disagree with respect and love for one another.

So I have people in my life that I don’t like and I can’t just eliminate them or always segregate myself from them.  As I was telling God that I just really don’t like this person…He says to me, “Sometimes I don’t like you.”  Sometimes I make choices that God doesn’t like.  He still loves me; He still extends His grace and mercy to me.  He ALWAYS loves me.  He calls me to reflect Him to the world around me.  Yes even to those I do not like.  That means I need to love them. I need to accept them for all the mess that they a

English: no original description

English: no original description (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

re, all the hurt they can inflict on me, all the opinions I don’t agree with, and all the choices they make that I don’t agree with.  I need to love them anyways, because God loves me anyways.

Do you know that God loves you anyways???  I pray that this truth invades your souls, your hearts, and your minds.  I pray that you will accept His love for you!

I don’t have an awesome tie in for the waterfall…I just like them.  But God’s love will drench you like a waterfall if you just walk with Him…You can stand back and look at a waterfall and not get wet…Just like you can put God out of your life and not receive His love, His grace, His protection, the list is endless.

The Light

Beam Of Light

Beam Of Light (Photo credit: karma-police)

I have been focusing on scriptures with reference to light and God being the source of all light.  The reason being our church started a segment called “Servant Spotlight” once a month to highlight a ministry in our church.  I came across a great one today.
1John 1:7 “But if we walk in the light, God himself being the light, we also experience a shared life with one another, as the sacrificed blood of Jesus, God’s Son, purges all our sin.”

That verse caught me today. It intrigued me and pulled me in. I wanted to know what preceded the word but. That little word can do many things. According to my husband it can nullify an apology.
So I started digging and went to the source. I looked up the full chapter of 1John. I think the bible says it best so I will just paste it for you here. This is from The Message 1John1:5-10

“This, in essence, is the message we heard from Christ and are passing on to you: God is light, pure light; there’s not a trace of darkness in him.
6-7If we claim that we experience a shared life with him and continue to stumble around in the dark, we’re obviously lying through our teeth—we’re not living what we claim. But if we walk in the light, God himself being the light, we also experience a shared life with one another, as the sacrificed blood of Jesus, God’s Son, purges all our sin.
8-10If we claim that we’re free of sin, we’re only fooling ourselves. A claim like that is errant nonsense. On the other hand, if we admit our sins—make a clean break of them—he won’t let us down; he’ll be true to himself. He’ll forgive our sins and purge us of all wrongdoing. If we claim that we’ve never sinned, we out-and-out contradict God—make a liar out of him. A claim like that only shows off our ignorance of God.”

I read that and I am humbled. It is a call to constantly put oneself under the blood of Christ. There is nothing in myself that is good. The only Good in me is Christ. When I try to do things even in my own good intentions, without Christ becomes a giant mess. I must submit all of myself, my talents, my thoughts, my motives, my feelings, my words under the blood of Christ. I must let Him purify me before I move out into this world and attempt to show love, compassion, or grace.  I do not want to stumble around in darkness.  I would much rather see with God’s perfect clarity living in His great Light.

But it doesn’t stop there.  Just like in the picture above, the beam of light reaching down into the depths of a cave, God promises to redeem us.  We are never so far entangled in sin that His Light can not conquer the darkness within us.  All we have to do is surrender to him and acknowledge our need for Him and He is mighty to save.  I am thankful that I serve such a Big God.  He can clean up the messes I make tirelessly and still fill me with His grace.  He brings glory to himself while restoring my soul.  There is such peace in His light.

The call

So I didn’t want to start a blog for several reasons.  These are the ones I told God

  1. I will talk whenever and where ever you ask me to. I’m not a writer.
  2. I want to be different and not follow in other people’s footsteps.
  3. I have nothing to write about.

God made me stop cleaning and told me to write out my first post about God’s Knights.  He gave me this vision and it is my intention to only write about what God lays on my heart.

God reminds me over and over that we need our men to take up their place in His Kingdom.  In order to do that we as women need to let them.  We need to support them, encourage them, and respect them.  I’m not sure what God is going to bring up in this Blog, but its His and I want to be obedient to publish His messages to His people.

Be Blessed by His manifest presence.

What makes me laugh

Things I never thought I would say

“Play fight gently please”

“That doesn’t go in your mouth”

Mason says: 

“I want to ride in a zeppelin” Age 3

“I want to build a robot so the robot can make my food, clean up my messes, and go grocery shopping for me.” Age 5

Levi says:

In the fridge looking for the jar of pickles…”those silly pickles.  They were hiding in their pickle spot.  They were being sneaky behind the strawberries.  Those silly pickles!”

July 4 2013

“Daddy I don’t wike(like) woud(loud) fingies (things).  Can you get some quiet bwasters(blasters) for tonight?”



Silas says/does:

As of June 2013 he has been going into the bathroom and getting the little seat, putting it on the toilet, and pulling his pants and diaper off while stopping with insistence, so he can sit on the potty.  When the diaper is taken off its nice and warm.  I’m guessing he is peeing the entire time to the toilet and getting ready.

Let me just remind everyone that I am in a house of all boys.  Everyone but me stands up to pee.  I include Silas because he can stand and pee in his diaper.  So today July 5 I said, “I need to go potty,” and Silas runs ahead of me to the toilet and lifts up the lid and the seat.  I put the seat down, sat down, and said, “no mommy sits down to pee.” He looked up at me quizzically pinched my thigh and gave a yell in protest.  He even started to fake cry.  I again said, “I’m a momma. I sit down to pee in the potty.”  He ran into the kitchen with a huff.  I think potty training could be easy and difficult with this one!



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