I’m PUBLISHED

I’m sorry its been a hot minute, well more than a few years! I decided to get serious about my writing and write a BOOK!!! It only took me 4 years, but its finally here!! Its available at Amazon, B&N online!!!

Me and my Book

Communicating in your marriage

I saw this video by TD Jake’s. While I really like it and agree with most of it, I see a solution that can easily be a win win for both the external and internal processors.

Please watch this video by TD Jakes

First of all, I would like to address the obvious, not all men are internal processors and not all women are external processors. Instead of generalizing all men and all women, I want to just address this issue of miscommunication differentiating between the 2 types of processors. The internal and the external.

The internal processors need time. More specifically, they need some quiet time to reflect. They need some time to evaluate. They need some time to research the potential outcomes, problems, and angles.

The external processor needs time to talk about all the feelings or thoughts associated with the issue. They need to hear from other people about similar experiences, how that person dealt with it, and what their outcome was. Most importantly they need to verbalize their thoughts, their research, and their feelings out loud. As an external processor myself, most of the time I can talk myself to a solution as long as I have someone loving and kind, that is willing to listen.

It’s not a simple equation that is the same for every situation. In theory I would like to think that awareness of your processing type, and that of your spouse’s will be a BIG first step. Then learning to give the other one, the space and time they need, or the listening ear, coming together to find a solution will hopefully become more peaceful and joyful!

May the Lord give you His ears to listen and His words to speak and fill you with His love to give!

Emotional reflexes

Hopefully we all know what a reflex is. Some people call them knee jerk reactions. We all have them. We were all born with them.

Some are more sensitive than others. Some reflexes are stronger than others. Sometimes our reflexes don’t respond at all.

These reflexes are not responses that we usually have control over. They are usually an automated neurological response. Sometimes they can become a conditioned response. At times we can use muscle memory to “train” our reflexes. But generally speaking it’s a response that comes without thinking.

For most people, our emotions are much like reflexes. We have these emotional responses to people, situations, and circumstances. For most people their life experiences have “trained” their emotional responses.

Some of these responses we have needed to survive specific situations. They were born out of defense mechanisms in our minds. Sometimes we bring these reflexes into moments that are unnecessary.

Most times we just don’t give ourselves the moments to process these reflexes appropriately. I think most of us do not realize that these reflexes can be changed.

Life with other people, especially my husband and children, is teaching me many things about my emotional reflexes. I’ve been learning mostly that people aren’t always intentionally trying to hurt me or disrespect me. I’m realizing they just do not know how to be considerate of the things I value.

You see I’ve been angry A LOT. I don’t want to be angry. I don’t like feeling angry. I didn’t used to feel angry this often. For a long time I thought that if I could just teach my boys and my husband to value me and be considerate then I would be less angry. Well, it’s an ongoing battle that doesn’t seem to end. And I would like to stop being angry now!!!

So, the words of my husband, and probably other people along my path, and of course Jesus, finally started to permeate in my brain. Only I am in control of my feelings. Only I can choose to give my power away.

It was one of those light bulb moments, you know!! I realized that I can just be honest and tell my children they are acting disrespectful, or inconsiderate, or whatever the emotion is and I don’t have to get angry.

So I’ve worked that out in my brain, but living it out is a whole other process. BUT I will say, I already feel more peace knowing and realizing, I HAVE A CHOICE.

I’m not always stuck having to respond to the same hurtful situations. I don’t have to continue experiencing the same hurt, disappointments, and aggravations. I can choose another response.

I have learned that there are things we need Jesus to heal deep within ourselves. There are wounds and hurts that have contributed to these emotional reflexes. With the help of Jesus and the power of the Holy Spirit, our reflexes can change!! Praise be to God!!!

Living this out has not been easy. I’m not going to lie. But what I love. What brings me Hope and Joy with each new day, is the reality that The Holy Spirit will empower me to make the choice that is best for my heart and my mind. I need only ask Him!

So just like an athlete can train their physical reflexes with muscle memory, we can train our emotional reflexes. First, we need to read God’s word to learn how He desires for us to respond. Second, we need to take our moments of evaluation, and third we need to ask the Holy Spirit to empower us to change our response.

I think this can happen before we start our day, in the middle of our day, and at the end of our days. I think each day and each moment is an opportunity for us to surrender and allow the truth of Christ to transform our thoughts and our emotions.

May the Lord Bless you with healing and transformation today!

Spring has come!!!

It’s the little things that can lift our eyes, our hearts, and our minds! Today the little things are my beautiful lilac bushes in full bloom and wonderful fragrance!! I wish I could share the intoxicating smell with you, but this picture will have to do!

I can’t explain exactly why. Maybe it’s because my favorite climbing tree at my favorite childhood house was a lilac bush/tree. Maybe it’s because their scent just brings a peaceful joy to my heart and mind. Or maybe it’s because they have a delicate beauty that is fragile and strong all at the same time!! None the less, they remind me of my loving Father who created them with tenderness and love!

Today though, my soul is rejoiceing with the reminder that God and His love are FAITHFUL!! Just like the lilacs that will Bloom every SPRING, our God will faithfully love us, forgive us, and redeem us! I love how we can observe and be reminded of God’s character in His creation!!

It was a LONG winter season, for many areas. It was long, dark, and wearisome! For some it was treacherous, depressing, and brought disaster. But just as spring has faithfully come, God will bring His Joy, His Hope, and His Peace. He can redeem and renew the disaster that winter brought. And He will renew and redeem the winter in us! We just need to remember to humble our hearts, our minds, and our plans. We must repent and submit to God’s truth and God’s ways and He will make all our paths straight!!

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord , and turn away from evil.
Proverbs 3:5‭-‬7 ESV
https://bible.com/bible/59/pro.3.5-7.ESV

Here’s a great song to jam out too!

The human condition

   

 

  There are many things I’ve learned in my life and many of them, I’ve forgotten. At some point in my primary School years I must have learned phonics rules in some way, shape, or form. I obviously didn’t commit them to memory because I was surprised to learn that they exist as an adult. (I also must not have learned them exceptionally well as I am not the best speller!!) I’ve been teaching my my boys to read these last few years in our homeschooling adventures! The phonics rules have regained their usefulness, necessity, and place in my cognitive daily thinking once again!!! It’s amazing how important sometimes seemingly simple things can become.

    One thing I haven’t entirely forgotten is the concept of, “The Human Condition.” I remember in my High School English classes  with teachers, Mark Simon and David Shydecker, discussing and analyzing literature. I remember learning about the human condition. I remember that no matter how different the characters, the circumstances, the conflicts, were from story to story, the human conditions were present in every story. 

        What is the human condition you ask? Well I would define it as the sentiments, the physiological responses, the feelings, the thoughts, and the actions that all humans have in common. Now I don’t mean that we are all the same. If you’ve lived long enough and interacted with people, you know they are all VERY different. But we are all very similar in our Humanity,  or our Human Condition.

   Our human condition possesses several different drives/desires.  One of those is a drive to aquire food. We all need to eat to survive. We share this drive no matter what race, nationality, sex, or age we are. Some people like meat, some don’t, some like veggies, others think potatoes are vegetables. Some people have allergies, some people are just persnickety. Some people love to create foods that tantilize the senses, while others could care less. Some people eat for pleasure, while others eat to survive. Some people are emotional eaters or have addictions to food. Some people eat with intentionality and others just eat.  In the end we all need to eat. 

     I have also observed that humans desire to be loved and accepted. The other side of those desires are fear and rejection. If you watch the news or read Facebook you will observe that humans are really having a very difficult time loving one another and accepting the things that are different about each other. People label these issues as racism, sexism, and prejudices. I think we need to look beyond the labels of the behaviors. I think we need to look deeper and admit that humanity has a tendency to dehumanize that which crosses a line of different that we are no longer “comfortable” with. 

Despite all the things that make us different. We need to remember that we are all Humans, collectively together as a whole group. We are all Humans TOGETHER! 

      We all have moments of fear, rejection and frustrations. Hopefully at some point we all feel joy, excitement, and acceptance too.  Our experiences will be different, our ethnicity, religion, sex, and skin color will be different. But I guarantee that if we could all be honest for one moment, maybe we could acknowledge that all humans experience so many of the similar emotions, thoughts, desires, and drives. 

    These human conditions will vary depending on the circumstances, the intensity in which they are felt, and the frequency in which they occur. Many of these variables will depend on us. They will depend on our choices. They will depend on the perspective and attitudes we choose to have about the life experiences we go through. But, no matter the variable every human will experience fear of some kind, rejection of some type, acceptance from someone, joy in some form, and love in some way. 

    Despite the similarities we must also keep in mind the differences. They both make us who we are. They both together help make “Humanity” the beautiful Mosaic that it is. I think too often we have let those differences divide us from one another. I hope we can begin to remember that we are all human. I hope that we can begin to accept that we may never fully understand one another, and must offer grace and kindness to each other. It’s far too easy to stand in your own circle and fully acknowledge your own humanity while denying the very same humanity of the person next to you because you do not understand or accept what makes them different from yourself.

      Let me drive the point home in another way. The most confident person you know, still feels inadequate in certain situations. The most attractive person you know still feels unattractive at times. The most intelligent person you can think of, still feels like they have so much to learn. The person who seems so full of themselves, still wants to be accepted by others. The person who seems to fear nothing and can face anything still gets sweaty palms, knee pits, and arm pits. All humans feel. All humans have fear. All humans have insecurities. We may feel differently about things. We may have different fears. We may not share the same insecurities, but our humanity is more similar than what meets the eye. 

     If we could step out of our own circle of self and look upon each other with compassion towards humanity, maybe we could change and be more UNITED than divided!
Lord help us to see one another through your eyes. Lord help us to hear the hearts of one another. Jesus help to not respond to one another out of our fears, our insecurities, and our ignorance. Jesus help us to be filled with your love so that we can RESPOND with your love. In Jesus name we ask these things Amen!

Slow to take offense

In this post I would love to address all of humanity, but I’m really just going to speak very directly to my fellow brothers and sisters in our Lord Jesus Christ!

There are lots of opinions flying around in the world. There are lots of people demonstrating their indignation of things they disagree with. Their are lots of people today demanding their rights. I’m not saying people can’t have rights, but as Christ followers I have been learning a thing or two. 

Jesus has been teaching me that I don’t have the right to be offended over every thing I want to be offended about. I don’t really like that. I would rather be disgruntle because that person was rude, inconsiderate, selfish, or even down right mean. I didn’t realize that I COULD CHOOSE to take offense or NOT. 

    At first I was very confused about this foreign concept. I wanted peace just like the next person, but I also needed to teach other people how to be nice, then I would have peace. In reality, I was just becoming bitter, burned out, and mentally and emotionally exhausted. What Jesus knew was that if I could learn to not become offended about every little thing, then and only then I would have His peace. If I could choose Jesus over responding in offense at the world around me, my heart would rest in His peace for me.

   His peace that says people don’t have to behave the way I want or expect them too. Peace that says I don’t have to be, say, and do, what people expect of me either. Peace that only comes in resting in the knowledge that I’m obedient to Christ. Peace that says I’m not responsible for the choices another person makes.

    In my quest for more of Jesus’ peace I’ve come to realize that I struggle with Codependency!!!! It’s a very humbling thing to acknowledge that I am my own problem and no one else is to blame. In that humility there is so much more peace and freedom entering my life!

    I’m thankful for the Divine conversations from people who really love me. I’m thankful that Jesus never gave up on teaching me more about His love and His desires for me. I’m thankful that His ways are better than my ways and His thoughts are higher than my thoughts!!

  I pray in the name of Jesus that all those reading would sense the peace and presence of Jesus. I pray that we can all continue to choose each day to follow after the heart and wisdom of the God who loves us and that the Holy Spirit will help us in dying to our flesh.

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

John 14:27 NIV

http://bible.com/111/jhn.14.27.NIV

Reconciliation

In this post I want to share what I’ve been learning about forgiveness and reconciliation. The reality of what these two words mean for humanity and our relationships is truly profound. It’s not my truth. It’s God’s truth! And this is another great example of His majesty and His wisdom. He knows what our hearts need before we ever do!

Let’s start with forgiveness. I will assume that most of us understand forgiveness as a choice to let go of the hurt someone caused us. It doesn’t make the person, the words, or actions against us okay. It just means that we will not hold on to the hurt and seek retribution for ourselves. Let’s Take a look at what scripture says about forgiveness.

Mark 11:25 (NASB)
   “Whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that you’re father who is in heaven will also forgive you your transgressions.”

Matthew 18:35 (NASB)
   “My heavenly Father will also do the same to you, if each of you does not forgive his brother from his heart.

This verse in Matthew is at the end of a story Jesus used to answer a question Peter asked about forgiveness. Please look it up and read it for yourself. My summary is that if you can’t forgive others, then God will not forgive you.
The verse in Mark, in my perspective, hints to the same truth, just a little nicer.

I have learned that forgiveness is HARD. It’s rigorous. It’s like climbing a mountain. I think I have forgiven someone and then they do or say something similar and all the hurt comes up again. I believe that this is a spiritual battle. I believe that we as Christ followers must choose to continue to forgive the person, even when we don’t feel it. I think we need to choose to not dwell on, verbally or mentally repeat the offenses over and over.

Don’t misunderstand me please…this is a complicated issue that a great book has helped me understand, Peacemaker by Ken Sande. All situations CAN NOT be handled the same. That’s why it’s like climbing the mountain. Every move is different. Every situation requires God’s specific instructions. Sometimes you forgive and forget without even mentioning it to the person. Other times you need to have a conversation, hopefully covered with prayer and love, and unfortunately sometimes you have to forgive that person and remove them from your life for a time or even forever. But that should not be decided in haste without God’s wisdom and truth.

Now that we have summarized forgiveness, please read more than this because I’m no expert, let’s talk about reconciliation. I believe that reconciliation is a huge part of relationship. Let’s face a simple truth here, we are all human. Not one of us humans are perfect. Which means, we are all going to cause someone else pain, frustration, and at the very least annoyance.

I believe that God wants us to love one another well. I believe that God wants us to reconcile with one another when we have hurt someone. I believe that
God wants us to reconcile when someone comes to us and says we have hurt them or offended them.

So what exactly is reconciliation. What does it look like. To me, reconciliation is when we take responsibility for our actions, our words, our facial expressions, our tones of voice, our lack of loving another person. Simply put, it means saying “I’m sorry, I was wrong to (fill in the blank)” I don’t think it matters what the intentions are at the time of the hurt. I think what matters is that we apologize, because we love and value the person we hurt. We value the relationship with that person, so we set aside our pride and let God’s love lead the way.

Here are some scriptures that have helped me come to the aforementioned conclusion.

Ephesians 4:17-32
Luke 7:23
Matthew 5:23-24

Like I said forgiveness is HARD, I think reconcilation can be even more difficult. One of our new favorite sayings in our house is, ” Do what is right, not what is easy.”

It’s not what I’m saying…it’s not what you’re hearing

 

Genesis chapter 11 contains a very interesting story. The story of a people coming together for a common goal. It would seem like a great idea, but the heart of the people were not focused on the heart of God. They were focused on themselves. It’s the story of the tower of babel.

I’ve read this story several times. A couple morals of the story are, that no human can reach heaven on their own, and humans should not make themselves idols to be worshiped. Very Good lessons to learn, about who we are and what are physical limitations are.

This week as I was reading this story to my boys out of The Jesus Storybook Bible, by Sally Lloyd-Jones. It occurred to me, there is more to learn from this story about communication.

I’m sure we all have had at least one experience about a misunderstanding with another person that involves the words we said and the words we heard.
I feel as if these types of misunderstandings happen often in my life.  This time as I was reading through the story, it jumped out at me that God confused their tongues intentionally.

   His purpose was to confuse them and create offense between them. His intention was to separate the people, in order to stop them from building the tower. Now, do I think God wants us all to be rude and unkind, NO! But let’s take a step back and examine God’s law. First and foremost, Thou shall have no other God’s before me. The people in the story of babel were making themselves gods before the other people not in the tower, and to each other. They were filled with their own pride. God intervened because He knows what is best for our hearts. Having ourselves and other people at the center of our hearts, minds, and focus is disastrous at best.

   God created us for community, but that community should not come before our relationship with Him. God created us for intimacy, but it should come with Him first. God created us for many things, but He should be First in everything.

  When I speak, am I speaking because I want to be heard, I’m nervous, I want to be right, or because Jesus is asking me to speak?  I find that when I ask the Holy Spirit to give me the words to speak, most times it turns out better.

   The other side of the coin, is the listening. When I hear others, sometimes, okay more often than I’d like to admit, I’m easily offended or brokenhearted by what they have said. BUT, ( and yes it’s a BIG BUT!) do I need to be offended and hurt? When I stop and ask my heavenly Father, more times than not, He says no. He helps me understand His truth for my life and helps me let go of what isn’t necessary.

  In all our humanity, in every aspect, in everything we attempt, WE need God. We need His wisdom, His love, His perspective, His Grace, and His mercy.

Especially when communicating, we NEED God to intervene.

One of my favorite poets, Javan, wrote about this very issue. Here is my best paraphrase, if I speak, but not with my words. And you listen, but not with your ears, then maybe we can communicate!

Abba, helps us to come to you. To talk to you and hear from your heart first. Lord humble our hearts an minds so that we seek you before attempting anything on our own. In Jesus name, Amen.

BROKENESS

Have you ever loved something? Something that brought you joy EVERY time you looked at it! Something that held meaning to your soul in which words could never describe. Something that could always make you smile.

Now imagine it’s broken. You frantically try to piece it back together. All the while making sure you have reclaimed every broken piece. You find your best glue and attempt to salvage the wreckage. After all the time and effort you look at your accomplishment only to find…well it’s no where near the beauty, joy, and grace it once was. It’s like a broken window repaired with duct tape.

DUCT TAPE…YES PICTURE THAT in your mind. Just let your imagination wonder a bit. Several cracks with duct tape going every which way. No. I’m not talking about the pretty kind you can make a dress out of these days. I’m talking about the silver. Utility. Duct tape. It’s ugly!

Well that is how my soul and my body have been feeling lately. I feel broken. Broken by the unkindness I see. Broken by the rudeness, the selfishness, the greed, the lust, the insatiable appetite of the enemy. My body feels broken. My mind feels like a frazzled over wired electric box. My heart feels heavy with the burden of all the things around me that I can not fix. I feel like the broken window. I try to fix it, but I only have silver Utility Duct tape. It’s not pretty. It doesn’t let the light in. It doesn’t sparkle. It’s just there. I am the broken window.

Thankfully my story doesn’t end there. It could. If I let it. If I choose to believe the perspective that there is no hope, I’m just the ugly broken window. But that is not the end my friends! You see I believe that the God I serve. The God who loves me. The God I call mine and I am His. I believe He is calling me to bring my brokenness to Him. I believe that He has something better in mind to restore, redeem, and repair my brokenness. I believe that as I surrender all my broken pieces He is making a beautiful mosaic of me.

You see He will take my plain ordinary broken pieces and use them for His glory! And as He does that each piece changes a little. It becomes more like the piece He intended it to be. He changes their colors, their shapes, their sizes! He’s changing me! He’s making me into the beautiful mosaic I’m meant to be! I just need to keep looking, keep talking, and keep seeking Him!

sunflower mosaic

One of my favorite songs
If We’re Honest by Frencesca Badistelli

It’s my prayer and hope that you find encouragement in this!

Captivity

   I can be pretty judgmental sometimes. More times than I would care to admit. God just revealed to me that I’ve been pretty judgmental of people in the bible. I’ve read the book of exodus more than once and I’m reading it again.
     Throughout the old testament we read about these Israelites and their consistently fickle nature with God. As I read, I would like to believe that I would have more faith in God than they are showing. That is where the judgment comes in. I’m judging their faith. Who am I to do that? No one. O Lord forgive me.
    The reality is that the human condition contains a paradox. The paradox that “our captivity” is safe. Captivity can be different for everyone. For any one person it can be organization, drugs, abusive relationships, success, power, cleanliness, fears of any kind….and the list goes on. Captivity can be as varied as there are a variety of people.
     You see the Israelites were rescued by God from slavery in Egypt. One would think that after seeing with their own eyes the miracles God performed, walking across the red sea on DRY GROUND, that the Israelites would not struggle to believe. Nay nay.

     At the first sign of a trial, the Israelites wanted to go back to Captivity. At least their would be food and water.
As the reader, I know how the story goes. God rains down manna from heaven and provides water from a rock. But the Israelites did not know that yet. Knowing how the story goes, I became judgemental of their response to their trial. I’m pretty arrogant. I’ve never had to walk through a desert and wonder where my food and water would come from.
     I get nervous the day before grocery shopping day, because we’ve run out of some, MAYBE most foods. And I know I’ll be going to the grocery store. That has more than all the food my family needs.
     So who am I to judge these Israelites, just because I think I know their story? I’m no one. And the fact is. I only really know a part of their story.
       The sad reality is, that I too often do this with people in my daily life. At times, I think I know and understand people and what they are going through. In reality, I only know a glimpse. The only story I know in completion is my own. Heck I don’t even know my sister’s story in it’s entirety.
     So I’m learning to listen to the wisdom of one of my really great friends, “you never know the whole story.”  Therefore I’m starting to practice leading with love and compassion for everyone. God revealed His love, compassion, and grace for the Israelites. I’m so thankful God leads with love!
  

Rebecca 🌻 Posted from WordPress for Android